Finding meaning when life changes

For years, you knew what came first. There were children to raise, a career to build, a household to keep running. Now the children have grown, the chores are better shared and you have already achieved a great deal at work. A Saturday morning comes free. You could do anything you like with it. And, to your own surprise, you are not quite sure what that is.

Here is the one sentence answer: to find meaning when life changes, first work out what is actually missing, then try one small, concrete step and listen to what your body makes of it.

You can love the freedom and, in the same breath, miss the days when the house was full. An Australian study in Psychological Medicine (2002), which followed 438 women in midlife for nine years, found, among the 155 whose last child left home during that time, on average better well-being and fewer daily hassles in the following year. The lift in mood was confined to women who, at the start of the study, had not been worried about that departure. The study measured well-being and mood, not meaning in life. What it shows above all is how differently the same transition can be experienced.

What is missing when you say your life has lost its meaning?

Finding meaning is not finding a grand answer: it is often asking a smaller question. In The Journal of Positive Psychology (2016), the researchers Frank Martela and Michael Steger distinguish three dimensions of meaning in life. The distinction can give you something more precise to ask than "What is the meaning of my life?"

• Coherence. How does this new stage fit into my story? You might ask what the years given to your family or your work have taught you about what matters to you.
• Purpose. Where do I want to head now? You might want to learn, make something, pass something on, or return to a project you set aside.
• Significance. When do I feel that my life matters? You might feel it in a relationship, in something you care about, or in a moment you choose to give yourself.

Imagine that your children's departure leaves you missing, above all, the conversations at the table. What you lack may be connection, and the sense of mattering to someone. If instead you regret having spent so long putting off a project that drew you, the question may be one of purpose. The two call for different responses. In the first case, you might invite someone you would like to see again to lunch. In the second, you might set aside a morning to try that activity and find out whether you still enjoy it.

Noticing the days that feel more meaningful

In a 2026 study in the International Journal of Wellbeing, Angelina Sutin and colleagues asked 303 adults, with an average age of 52, to record each evening for eight days what they had done and how purposeful their life felt. The same people reported feeling more purpose on days when they had, among other things, seen people in person, worked on a hobby or been physically active. Work, volunteering and meditation showed no link. Only 6 of the 22 activities studied were linked to that feeling, which, the authors note, points to its complexity and perhaps its personal nature.

The follow-up was short and these links may run in both directions. An activity can help give a day a sense of purpose, and already having that sense can make you more inclined to take part.

You can borrow the diary idea in your own way. For a week, note one moment when you were really there and one when you felt your day was passing you by. After a few days, read your notes back. Perhaps gardening keeps coming up, and what you really enjoy is doing something with your hands. That is a lead you can follow elsewhere too.

Rereading your story to choose what to carry forward

In 2021, in the American Journal of Health Promotion, Nicholas Manco and Sherry Hamby brought together 33 randomised trials of interventions designed to strengthen the sense of meaning. The approaches included narrative programmes, in which people return to episodes from their lives and to the way they tell them, as well as mindfulness programmes. Results varied with the approach and with what the comparison group was doing. Narrative programmes stood out in comparisons with groups who were also taking part in an activity. These trials looked at specific programmes, with different groups of people.

To explore this for yourself, choose a memory of a time when you felt fully yourself. It might come from work, from family life, or from a period when you had more time for a passion. Ask yourself: what mattered to me in that moment? If you think back to a work project you are still proud of, you may find that what you enjoyed most was passing on what you knew. You can then look for where that pleasure might fit in your life today, in a form that suits you.

A sophrology pause to see your life from another angle

Feel your feet on the floor. Let your breath find its own pace. Think of an ordinary moment in your week when you could have a little time to yourself. Then picture two ways of spending it. Perhaps a walk on your own, then a coffee with someone you love. Perhaps going back to something familiar, then trying something new.

For each scene, notice what happens in your body. You may feel a pull, some hesitation, a letting go, or very little at all. Take these sensations as leads to explore. Then choose one thing you would like to try and give it a moment in your week. Once you have done it, ask yourself what you would like to keep.

What if the emptiness does not lift?

This reflection and this pause do not replace professional support. If the emptiness lasts for more than two weeks, if nothing appeals any more, or if your sleep or appetite change, talk to your GP. If you have thoughts of suicide, call Samaritans on 116 123, free and open at any hour. In an emergency, call 999.

How Soa can support you

When you have spent years making room for other people's needs, Soa offers a short moment to come back to your own. Based on what you share about how you feel and what you want, the app suggests sophrology sessions of 3 to 15 minutes. Breath, body relaxation and visualisation give you time to notice what does you good and where you would like to go.

The research cited here sheds light on the sense of meaning and on ways of exploring it. The pause above is a sophrology suggestion inspired by that thinking. In Soa, you can take a few minutes to listen to yourself, then decide for yourself what you want to try in your day. The Get Your Spark Back programme is there for moments when getting started feels difficult, to help you explore a small next step.

Start with what you want to feel. Soa adapts to you.